I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
