This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i've created a new STD.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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