I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
