I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
