Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
