I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
