90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
