Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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