those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
