Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
