If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
