dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
