mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
