Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
