and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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