Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
