he was CRYING into my vagina
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
