I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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