K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
