You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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