dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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