also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
