One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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