Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
