I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
