She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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