So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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