K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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