bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
