Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
