There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
