woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
