Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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