Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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