porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
