Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
