I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
