your thong is hanging out like whoa
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
