After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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