I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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