he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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