is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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