it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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