having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
