If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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