Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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