Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
