I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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