Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
