i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think my moral compass just broke
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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