I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
