guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
